I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
