Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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