dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
