im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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