I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
