Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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