I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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