Don't you send me to vm
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
