How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So many bounce houses so little time
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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