I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
