She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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