i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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