Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
