he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
