I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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