Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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