she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
