They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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