Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
