im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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