I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
