we have pet lesbian snakes
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
