She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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