i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
