Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
