I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My vagina just clenched in fear
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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