It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
