Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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