I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
