Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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