i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
