we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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