Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
