Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
