So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
