WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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