k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
