I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
