Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
