How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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