Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
