singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
