Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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