listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
