peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
