Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
A bitchslap is in order.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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