Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
