Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
