I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
