ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This baby is an asshole
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
